


Where Do We Go From Here?

by AgroAro



Category: Metalocalypse (Cartoon)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Past Relationship(s), Post-Canon, Post-Episode: s04 The Doomstar Requiem, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:37:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25884457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgroAro/pseuds/AgroAro
Summary: The band is learning to deal with the changes around Mordhaus after getting Toki back. None of them will ever admit they miss / need eachother but they'll drink until the need to say it out loud goes away.
Relationships: Charles Foster Offdensen/Pickles the Drummer, Pickles the Drummer/Toki Wartooth, Skwisgaar Skwigelf/Toki Wartooth
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	Where Do We Go From Here?

**Author's Note:**

> This might get updated if it really gets any views, I just wanted to type around for fun!  
> HBO has every episode and it caused a recent binge / love for the show and characters  
> This is mainly intended to be a Chickles / Skwistok fanfic, but being a multi-shipper there will probably be stuff in between 😂😅  
> Maybe it will end up being Polyklok?..  
> Who knows  
> I'm terrible at tags but added ships to the list that I plan on adding / is there if you really look!  
> Anyways enjoy aaaaaaaaaa

"Pickle--" 

A soft voice whispered, Pickles body feeling he was being tossed around in a lake, yet he still remained in the same place, feeling bewildered since he couldn't find his way out of this darkened haze. His memory was vague but the struggle to wake up was a clear sign to drinking the night before, and if he ignored the shaking enough, it'd eventually stop and he could pass out again. Jinxing his own thoughts, he felt a heavy shift next to him and more intense tossing that caused so much nausea that made it hard to stay asleep. 

"Pickle-- Please.. I had a dreams I was takens again-- I REALLY thought that--" 

Toki could barely choke out before Pickles sat straight up, still trashed but hearing Toki's pleas was enough to pull him out of it. His eyes barely open and still unadjusted to his dark room, he could see a silhouette of Toki sitting on the side of his bed, his breathing audible and heavy from another panic attack. Pickles felt a sense of panic and worry jolt through him before he blindly placed a hand on Toki's back to comfort him, taken by surprise when he jumped slightly. Pickles quickly pulled his hand back, going to apologize to him but before he could, Toki looked back at him with teary eyes and gave him a sudden hug. Toki chose to tuck his face away quickly on his shoulder before he let out anymore sobs, the hug tightening a bit more when he let it out more. 

"It's okey Toki-- You don't have to tell me everythin'-- You're not there anymore--" 

Pickles mumbled softly as the taller man just cried in his arms, returning the hug as he wrapped his arms around him and pulled him a bit closer. After a few moments he rested the top of his chin on Toki's head, wishing with every breathy sob he could take his pain away.  
This had been almost a daily occurance after what Toki went through with Magnus, though the trauma of it lessened as the months passed, every now and then he'd just have that ONE bad dream that would wake him up in a cold sweat. 

He would wake up in that same, musty, green lit room chained to the floor next to him. The bruises on his body covering almost as much as the dirt and filth did, and the flashing of the lights was enough to give him a splitting migraine. But it was nothing compared to the aching and burning pain in his abdomen, constantly reminding him he was living a nightmare. Everytime this dream led him to believe that being rescued, and his recovery being back in the band was all a dream. That it was just the happy place that Abigail reminded him about, and it was all a desperate fantasy that Magnus laughed in his face about. Every. Damn. Time. 

Pickles definitely wasn't a therapist but he was easy to talk to, and his mannerisms around emotions certainly weren't as awkward as the others. They all meant well, but as soon as the waterworks started for Toki things tended to get tense. Ironically enough though ever since Charles left, Pickles could at least count 2+ times each of the band members drunkenly stumbled to his room, mainly to confess how fucked things were. He didn't mind it though since he seemed to help them, and they all agreed therapy was bullshit. So who needed banana stickers anyways? Pickles was used to 'babysitting' them, and as long as they had some sort of voice of reason, they would all be alright. Though recently Pickles was starting to doubt his own bullshit words, and he was curious on how Charles used to keep his 'got your shit together' facade going. He could use some advice on that right now. 

After a few minutes of Toki sobbing and Pickles sweet occasional words, Toki pulled away from the hug and backed up from him. He took a moment to wipe his tears before he looked back over at Pickles.

"Thanks Pickle-- I didn't wants to wake you ups this time I swears--" 

Toki mumbled through a voice crack and a sniffle, holding his knees up to his chest, feeling shy now that he calmed down. Pickles looked over at him with a slight smile, now noticing Toki's eyes, his blue eyes brighter after being upset, but the bags under them mainly raised concern on just how long he's been upset for. Pickles thought to himself it had to at least be a few hours, he reeked of booze but between the both of them it was hard to tell. 

"Nah don't worry about that dood-- Ya wanna drink 'n smoke--? I just restocked--... on everythin'.. "

Pickles said as he gave him an impish grin before he got up from the bed, and Toki gave him a smile in return, picking up his abandoned Deddy by the side of the bed he dropped in an anxiety filled panic on his way into the bedroom. 

"Ja, yous always have lots of good stuff--" 

Toki mumbled as he set his legs back down on the bed, feeling a bit more comfortable now that he was squeezing his teddy bear up to his chest. He leaned up against the bed frame as he watched Pickles drunkenly rummage through his booze collection in his boxers. Pickles smirked at what Toki said, entertained by his comment. 

"Always." 

Pickles said with a grin, deciding on Whiskey before he grabbed two glasses. Once he did so, he sat next to Toki on the bed, pouring and passing him a glass before he got settled. Toki took the glass and took a moment to swirl it around curiously, watching it circle around a bit in the glass before he decided to take a sip, cringing a bit afterwards at the bitterness.  
Meanwhile Pickles had his glass, going to clink glasses with him but once Toki dazed off and drank, it just sank in that it was gonna be THAT kind of night. He didn't mind being there for him though, not hesitant to take a good swig to follow behind him. The bitterness of it was numb to Pickles by now, the whiskey feeling soothing and warm to him. They both sat there for a moment in silence, quiet but enjoying each other's company as they drank, mutually both waiting for the alcohol to kick in. Since they both already drank tons hours before, it didn't take long for the lightheaded numbness to kick in. But the silence brought a feeling of dread they were both experiencing, and either of them were unable to brake the ice without feeling like they were walking on eggshells. Toki was dealing with his own trauma, and NO ONE was daring enough to dig any deeper than what he showed on the surface.  
Pickles wasn't sure what to do with this silence, so he went into his nightstand, getting out a grinder with some grinded bud, and rolling paper, deciding it was best to use the nightstand to help him roll. Drugs and Booze never failed to ease this silent tension, or in the very least made time go by quicker.  
Toki meanwhile was still in his daze, aware of his surroundings but caught up in his thoughts, unable to shake what exactly went down to get him. He was aware the fans begged for him back, and he got some kind of drug fueled explanation from Dr.Rockzo when he asked. The positive change when he came back everyone was thrilled and definitely more cautious around him, with higher security and better attitudes. But Charles left Mordhaus, and there was this sickening dread amongst all of them.  
They were all literal gods with limited knowledge on this, and they were all avoiding the one question no one wanted to say out loud. 

Who would be next to try and kill them? 

Right as Toki's mind got a little past morbid with thoughts, the squeaky opening of Pickle's grinder snapped him out of it. He became aware of how much he zoned out, unable to drown alone in his thoughts anymore, deciding to speak up. 

"Hey Pickle-- Cans I ask you somethings?--" 

Toki mumbled out to brake the silence, twiddling his thumbs at first, but then shifted to looking at Deddy as he waited for a response. Pickles couldn't be happier to ease the tension, though any question had him weary. He took a precautionary drink of his whiskey before nodding his head in response, going back to rolling the joint to keep himself busy. 

"You knows why--.. Everyone knows why I've beens drinkings recently-- But I have seens you do it mores oftens too..-- Why?.." 

Toki said, almost instantly regretting asking since he felt it was too… 'gay' to care. But after everything he went through and the comfort Pickles gave him, Toki wasn't concerned on how it seemed. He recognized bad ways to cope with pain and regret especially right now, and they both knew that if either were to admit everything was alright as they both sat in what felt like rock bottom, it'd be a damn lie. Plus, it technically wasn't any 'gayer' than Skwisgaar going on a drunk rant about worrying so much AND kissing him a few weeks back. 

Pickles meanwhile took a moment to set the half finished joint down on the nightstand, feeling the tight grip of anxiety in his chest once again. He tried desperately to think of a lie, but the memories he so hard tried to forget jabbed him in the back of his mind like a blaring alarm going off. 

He took a moment to remember the bright flashing lights on stage, and the blaring of the speakers as he was singing and sweating his ass off when he was the frontman for Snakes N' Barrels. High out of his mind on whatever he could find always brought an entertaining concert for everyone, though it left him restless most nights, it got him through the performance without missing a single word. All of the concerts during that era for him were ALL same drug and sex driven filled stories, up until he locked eyes with the biggest loser in the crowd. It was a complete accident at first, Charles nearly looked like an uptight nerd that Pickles would kick the crap out of in high school. He stuck out among the flashy crowd around him, but more importantly to Pickles, who mildly noted he was pretty enough to get his attention and get a free backstage pass. He hated now that he was oblivious back then that the same green eyed, emotionless, beautiful asshole would be the same man to brake him, and yet stay by his side throughout the years. Or so he foolishly thought. 

They almost clicked right away, and Charles wasn't as uptight as he perceived himself to be, though he faked it well and Pickles to this day was envious of that. Things were well up until Pickles struggled with his addictions, and things broke apart after Charles walked off to better himself. Which he did because a few years later guess who Nathan found to be 'The most brutal guy to manage the band, even though he was a total square'.

To top things off, if seeing him again was the first gut punch, getting drunk and hearing that attempting a relationship again would "Ruin the rise in popularity for Dethklok, and would be strictly unprofessional" definitely left him K.O'd. It was frustrating since he could hear the bullshit hesitation in his stupid voice. But that didn't matter because Pickles knew how to move on, and cope. He could get anyone he wanted.  
Sure, he couldn't seem to replace that click with any other person he slept with. It somewhat bothered him Charles acted so wishy-washy but LITERALLY DIED for the band, and the list of frustrations really goes on after not seeing him for months after his apparent 'death'. SO MUCH was left unsaid, but Pickles decided and was learning to cope with that maybe it was better that way. He left when they needed him the most, and the traumatized and confused Toki next to him was enough to raise more frustrations towards him. He was also PISSED OFF with the fact he could never actually hate Charles either, and that was the REAL truth on what sparked his new drinking binge. He wasted so much time being hopeful over something that was just a fling, something he should've gotten over A WHILE ago. 

Though the moments of silence and thinking felt awkward, Pickles thought process still wasn't slow, and he reached on the nightstand, grabbing the whiskey bottle to fill up their cups more. Toki was a little shook but obliged, holding out his cup to fill. 

"Would ya tell the guys if I said I cared about ya er' somethin'--? I don't wanna hear it from 'em- 'Cuz maybe I've been worried about how things will work out now--" 

Pickles wearily said, trying to watch his words as he spoke but overall felt okay-ish with what he came up with. He poured Toki's glass as he said this, following after his cup as he waited for an answer. Drinking more made him feel better, and gave him more confidence, that's all he felt he needed to fix things. Toki noticed his hesitation to speak since he struggled himself to speak, giving him a warm smile since he was pleasantly surprised to hear him open up a bit more. Maybe it wasn't exactly comforting words to hear, but he wasn't alone in his pool of fears, and Pickles cared about him. 

"I won't tells them nothin' Pickle- I think as longs as we have eachothers-- We'll be alright Ja?-- We've proved nothings can takes away thats-- "

Toki mumbled as he looked over at Pickles, using one arm to put around his shoulders, and the other hand slightly held out his glass to clink with him. 

"Here's to the bottoms and blacking outs? I've beens here before but I nevers usually have companys--" 

Toki said as he kept his same gentle smile, and Pickles clinked his glass with Toki's, giving a grin right back to him. Toki had a point, it wasn't as shitty to have a drinking buddy at a mutual low point. 

"Oh yea-- I'll see ya in the mornin~' "

**Author's Note:**

> It's been SOOO long since I've even written anything down, but I enjoyed typing this while I did!  
> Again I might add more chapters if I like the way its heading  
> Any feedback / ideas would be appreciated! Thank you for the read !!


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